Friday the 13th
Reviewed by James Cochrane
Rating: 2 Beans
olice: What You bin smokin' boy?
Kevin Bacon: I don't smoke, it causes Cancer.
Police: You know what I mean. Wha'd you just get off a spaceship or sumpin? Columbian Gold, man. Grass. Hash. The weed, Dig it.
It's Friday the 13th, a little boy, under cover of night, makes his way to Crystal Lake to have little by-himself Swimming time. He's a quiet kid (half retarded) He swims and then he is not swimming. He is drowning now. And as he calls out his tiny voice is not heard over the singing and the loving the Sex-Crazed Councilors are making. He dies…. Some one is very mad that this happens.
Tag Line: Fridays will never be the same again.
The beginning of it all… What movies were made for (at least horror movies) to scare the Such and such out of unsuspecting young'ns. The basis for all horror movies for years to come; from the 1st person perspective of the killer to the constant guessing whom the killer might be and/or why they want to do this horrible deed. Setting the standard for Gore hounds everywhere, Friday, to this day, is a classic in every sense of the word. Unfortunately it is still a Teeny-Bopper style movie with a loose story line and characters you can't quite feel for (until they face the business end of an axe or spear or spear gun or meat cleaver or…. (breath, James, breath).
What can I say…. Kevin F**King Bacon. The man- the genius- who I want to be when I grow up. Just think; someone out there, in power no less, watched this movie and said “I'm making a movie with another genius actor; John Lithgow, about the repression of expression in dancing in a small town and I want that guy”
“Who?” His secretary asks.
“That guy, that feller,” he points and rewinds the overlarge video cassette player (this is early 80's right). “Victim number 5; the one who gets the spear in the neck. Beautiful- complete genius.” He is proud of himself as he pours a Tanquoray and Tonic and drops a lime wedge in it. “Just perfect.”
His secretary looks on.
Most of my friends dislike this movie for the reason that My Main Man Jason is not in here- that they like the later movies for the Inept needless slashing and cutting and chopping and stabbing that Jason brings with him. I admit, there is an air about Jason that I admire. Persistence… but I am getting off topic, here, Jason is nowhere to be seen for another year or so.
Plot: (for those who care) It is, like, 15 years after the drowning of the small boy I Crystal Lake and the death of two young lovers. A Hippie has invited some friends and other workers to help him bring Camp Crystal Lake up to snuff and have it hear the joy and laughter of young children again. Big Mistake, say the townspeople, Big mistake, in deed. The councilors slowly die and die and die until one is left and Good overcomes evil and Ding- Dong- the Witch is Dead.
Did I give away too much?
Friday, doesn't hold up to today's standards (today being the 90's) but in retrospect it filled the shoes and held up to the where and tear of all of the 80's quite well- I believe it was Mr. Craven who changed the look and feel of the ‘Modern' Horror movie… and good for him. It's a good romp, though, like looking in an old yearbook or your family photo's- “I can't believe he wore that?” and “That don't scare me no mo', Cletus” I hold a special place in my heart for Mr. Cunningham's big showstopper… not knowing that he and Mr. Craven had collaborated on the HUGE CULT HIT “LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT” which this reviewer did not see until 1990, and it scared and horrified me, I tell you what.
Like it or hate it, Friday the 13th was the start of something wonderful: Gore,, T & A, Bad acting, and Bad storylines- but huge scares… Heaven.
Favourite Scene: Red-haored Heroine is waiting for the BILL to come back from fixing the broken Generator. This scene starts at 1:10:33 and ends at 1:12:33- that's a whopping 2 whole minutes of no talking. That is a long time to watch someone make Tea… and I love it. She checks the Kettle for water, fills the Tea Kettle with water, turns on the stove, gets the tea from the cold room, puts the a tea bag in her cup and BILL's cup, put s the sugar in both cups, stares into nothingness… she decides to find BILL. This is an amazing scene: It shows the confusion and tediousness that one goes through when waiting for them to get back from being killed. I could just imagine the actress asking “What's my motivation here? Do I know how to make tea? Do I know where it is? Is there water in the kettle? Do I know how to work the stove? Do I have matches? Would my character really take sugar in her tea?” Insightful questions like that make a scene a better scene….
The Death List
1- Dirty Camp Councilor Guy- Stabbed in the Gut
2- Dirty Camp Councilor Chick- Stabbed in places unknown
OMINOUS WARNING BY CRAZY HOMELESS MAN
3- Cute Camp Cook- Slit Throat
2nd OMINOUS WARRNING BY C.H.M.
4- Comedic Doofus- Throat cut
VERY SLIGHT BREAST SHOT- SEX SCENE
5- Kevin Bacon –sniff- Spear in neck—VERY VERY COOL
6- Kevin's Sexual Conquest- very embedded axe to head
7- Flanel Nightgown Chick- Death unsure of
8- Head Hippie Councilor- stomach stabbing (seen in all flashbacks)
9- Bill- Stapled to door with Arrows
KILLER”S HEAD IS CHOPPED OFF (NOT ENOUGH BLOOD)
NEXT: Friday the 13th: Part 2
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