Reviewed by Fred Parsons
Rating: 9.5 Beans
h my God, Hollywood has out tickets people. To be able to produce a film as outlandish, unbelieveable, and boring as Starshit Troopers and to make millions just proves my previous statement. This movie is pure eye candy intended to make a quick buck before everyone realizes what garbage it really is. Here is my recipe for Starship Troopers :
1 Plot put together in 3 hours by 2nd graders.
2 Main characters that look like Barbie Dolls and
who have the acting ability of turnips.
3 Loads of special affects (This is to distract
the audience so they don't realize how rotten
this movie really tastes).
4 Elements from previous sci-fi films.
5 Unbelievable coincidences that bring main
Now, throw all of this in a big bowl, and stir. Then place on giant white screen until you've made millions of dollars.
Seriously, lets look at this film. Now I am by no means an Einstein, but it is apparent that the makers of this film have about as much knowledge of physics as a rock. I'm not going to go through all of the instances because they have been named over and over in other reviews. Denise Richards (The pilot chick) was completely out of place in this film. Whoever picked her for the role obviously didn't for her acting ability. I think she had 1 whole facial expression throughout the entire movie, and that was a big fat smile. Even after the aliens torched Buenos Aires. And when the hell are we going to have a fat ugly person as the main character? I know its been said in other reviews, but I have to say it also. A civilization that can travel billions of miles through space and can heal wounds like its nothing still use solid projectile firing weapons? Give me a friggin break. Funny how the clips for these rifles were regular size yet they each fired about 7 thousand rounds. Pure rubbish. And you know what, in the ads on TV, all you saw were battle scenes so you firgured, "Hey, must be a pretty action packed film eh?" Well guess what jerky, wrong. The first hour or so looked like it was a re-run of a Melrose Place episode.
Now for the coincidences. I like how a couple of characters were able to change assignments around so they could be with one another. Wow, I didn't know that a military organization allowed such a thing. Especially since the people in question just joined up. Then that ridiculous crash scene where Denise Richards and doofy-bob just happen to crash right next to Rico and his Rough Necks. And, they just happen to be near a "brain-bug" so they don't get killed, well the guy does. I can't go on. I can't go on for fear of losing my cookies.
The plain and simple fact is that this movie sucked. Its nothing but hyped up special effects. And its long. Its the kind of movie that seems to go on forever. Its the kind of movie that you hope will end soon. Its the kind of movie that you erase, so you can record re-runs of "Whats Happening Now" or The Discovery Channel's special presentation of "Carl Sagan, a Wild and Crazy Guy".
Other reviews for this movie:
Roger M. Wilcox
Ken M. Wilson
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