Reviewed by Chris Bjuland
Rating: .5 Beans
eet Billy Smith, tree climbing expert... Don't learn electrical safety by accident... All this and more can be your's if the price is right!
And the price is right enough to get you into "Small Soldiers", the newest film featuring music by Jerry Goldsmith and the voice talents of Tommy Lee Jones, Ernest Borgnine, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Christina Ricci. Also staring Kirsten Dunst, who is no longer "Fifteen and Pregnant". Oh yeah, and there is some kid name Gregory Smith (of "Krippendorf's Tribe" misfortune").
This movie is about a bunch of toys with a military grade computer chip inside that become more than their programming as they strive to meet their programmed objectives. We have on one side the small soldiers themselves, a bunch of overgrown GI Joes who's mission to destroy the Gorgonites grows to include the humans that are sheltering the Gorgonites. In a funny twist, it's the military soldiers that are the "bad guys", and the strange, non-human Gorgonites shake off their programming and learn to do more than "hide and lose".
The character animation was great, the sterotype action figures were fun to watch and look at, and Kirsten Dunst is such a hotty. Or is that hottie?
Certain things to think about while watching:
1) How can the mini-military men (led by the voice of Tommy Lee Jones) make such cool weapons, but fail to use them properly? If you have a flame thrower with a six foot reach, you don't stand twenty feet away and try and burn something.
2) Why were there a billion and one military men made, but only one set of Gorgonites? And why only one Chip Hazard? (Ken is responsible for those two questions). Are Chip and the Gorgonites the ultimate in chase figures? Are they those super rare action figures that the bastards at Toys-R-Us pocket on the loading dock in secret transactions, so that you, the lothesome consumer will never get a chance to own and play with one? Is this movie really a commentary on the state of our toy industry or is it more a commentary on us? Have we really lost all our childlike imagination that we now need toys that "play back"? Am I thinking about this movie way to much???
3) Haven't we see "Gremlins" already?
While the action is wild, and the storyline unbelieveable, this movie is still a fun romp in kid land. While it runs a bit long, and the "military" know how of the soldiers is flakey, it's still a fun ride. Especially with Kirsten Dunst onboard. Woo Woo!
Other reviews for this movie:
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