Midnight Tease II
Reviewed by Nathan Johnston
Rating: 8 Beans
es, with a name such as "Midnight Tease 2" I knew exactly what I was in for. Boy, I was not disappointed. I happen to like the B-grade 'erotic thriller' genre of movies, I find them amusingly entertaining. This is a genre that was at its ciematic peak with "Basic Instinct"... so you know what I'm talking about. I enjoy watching these movies not because they are gratuitous soft porn skin flicks. I enjoy these movies because contain lots of breast- sorry, because they know that they're nothing but gratuitous soft porn skin flicks and they don't try to hide the fact. This one is no exception, infact you could call it the 'poor man's Showgirls'.
But folks... no-one could possibly be this poor.
Okay, lets see what we've got. We have Jennifer (a very yummy looking Kimberley Kelley), she is a sweet and innocent lass who decides for no good reason to go to a strip club and find some work. But lo and behold, beside being a naturally talented stripper (a term that caused me no end of amusement), we find that young Jennifer has an ulterior motive for so expertly removing her clothes. You see, there is this psycho killer who's been offing the backbone of moral society that work at the club. We find that Jennifer has teamed up with some private detective, in a wheelchair no less, to find out whose responsible for these murders.
Jennifer's motives for her actions and indeed the killers motives aren't both explained or even hinted at until the last 5 minutes of the movie (great mystery writing there everyone). This keeps true to the movie's genre where the focus is on various parts of the female anatomy rather than the storyline, could this be because there is no storyline worth telling in these movies? However, this movie does have its educational qualities. One could rightly feel as though they were a fully qualified breast expert after watching this film.
One could also be mistaken for thinking that all strippers or indeed women in general have at least 36 inch breasts and wear d-cup bras for support after watching this movie. Serioulsy folks, someone in the production crew here must have raided Silicon Valley to make this movie. These ladies and their breasts are depriving the world of at least a dozen supercomputers. And its not like we don't get to see them. After the intial five minutes of 'mood setting', the movie breaks out into the longest single striptease scene that I have ever seen in a movie. We get to see these buxom beauties slut - I mean strut their stuff, jiggle and wiggle their breasts and pick dollar bills from patrons of the strip club with them... for the next 20 minutes. I kid you not, towards the end even I was fast forwarding to get to the next scene which, shock horror, had more exposed breasts in it. It was at this point I began to fear for my sanity as when I took a drink from my glass what do you think the ice cubes looked like?
I have honestly not seen so much bare flesh in a movie, but this doesn't mean that the scenes where there is actual dialogue and some form of plot development aren't just as pointless and even more boring. Lucky viewer that we are, are subjected to numerous three second flashes of an old hospital bed. Why we suffer through this is not revealled to roughly the fifth last line in the movie, and it is still pointless. Then there is my favorite scene where the experienced strippers are giving our new girl Jennifer their sage-like advice for lapdancing... "there's nothing to it... you just face them and stick your tits in their face, then turn around and stick your ass on their lap, they love it". Gee... you think, its not like these guys at the club are there for any other reason, what else do they want... conversation?
Um, well, yeah... I guess that's about it. I think that you've read the word breast more than enough in this review by now. I'll leave it at that, its a tough life reviewing bad movies and keeping everyone 'abreast' with them. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
What can I say... I like tits.
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