Reviewed by Ned Daigle
Rating: 8 Beans
ears before gorgeous, untalented Cindy Crawford nauseated the world with "Fair Game", and equally gorgeous, untalented Pamela Anderson Lee did likewise with "Barb Wire", gorgeous, untalented Margaux Hemingway brought the world her hilariously awful "Lipstick".
One thing you can say for Hemingway, she didn't try to stretch herself by playing a lawyer or a futuristic superbimbo. No, she plays (gasp) a model! Hemingway, you may or may not know, was the Cindy Crawford of her day, being the first internationally name-recognized supermodel. But even this seemingly piece-o-cake role proved too daunting for the vacant Margaux.
During a very erotic photo shoot for a new lipstick (hence the title, how clever), Margaux's little sister (played by real life little sister Mariel) brings her wacko music teacher to meet the famous fashion mannequin. The teacher is played by Chris Sarandon who seemed determined to kiss off his Oscar nomination the year before with this horrible performance. Anyway, to make a long story short, while Sarandon is visiting Margaux, so he can play his horrid musical composition, he goes nutso and brutally beats and rapes her. Now, if up to this point the film had been anywhere near intelligent, or been performed by talented performers, the audience would feel something during this rape scene (the brutallity of it is really quite too much), but as it is, it just comes across as cheap and voyeuristic.
With the help of lawyer Anne Bancroft (who looks stunned to be trapped in this trash), they bring Sarandon to trial, but he is found not-guilty.
Which is a convenient plot device to allow Sarandon to chase (in what seems like the most endless foot chase in film history in an under-construction office building) and rape Mariel, prompting big sis Margaux (wearing a bright red evening gown and heels) to grab a rifle, chase Sarandon into the parking lot and blow his ass away.
It's very funny watching Margaux, Sarandon and even Bancroft struggle to act in this movie, the stunningly bad script didn't help things either, and see 12 year-old Mariel act rings around all of them (before her acclaim in "Manhattan", "Personal Best" and "Star 80").
"Lipstick" is in equal doses hysterical and apalling. Single funniest line of dialogue: when badgered by Bancroft about what she'll say in court, Margaux screams "He wanted to kill me! He wanted to kill me with his cock!"
Need I say more?
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