Lawnmower Man, The
Reviewed by Mike Brannon
Rating: 7 Beans
he Lawnmower Man" is one of Stephen King's dumbest short stories. It involves a man who hires a quirky gardener, who stips naked and eats grass and gopher guts behind his automatic lawnmower. No, I'm not making this up. Go read "Skeleton Crew" and you'll see. The story is just sick and boring, not scary. Is this a dream he had, or a description of his secret weekend hobbies? Who knows.
The movie wisely avoids this stupid storyline, but it unwisely selects another one that is just as dumb.
Meet Jobe. He's the halfwitted lawnmower who is a ward of the local preacher. He makes his way by mowing lawns -- the only job he can do, since he is 24 but has a mental age of 6. Imagine Jeff Fahey in a Drop Dead Fred wig, and that's our hero, folks.
Now Pierce Bronson enters the picture as a scientist who is toying with computer-brain integration. He decides to use Jobe as his subject, and on top of gaining, then surpassing normal intelligence, he becomes evil as well.
Jobe finally enters the super computer and tries to take over the world. Yawn.
Why was this movie called "The Lawnmower Man?!" That's like calling Star Wars "The Bantha Rider." The lawnmower has nothing to do with the story besides being a set-piece to show how stupid Jobe is. The movie also sinks under a drooping supporting cast of Stephen King cookie cutter nitwits -- the slutty widow, the abused kid, his dumb, drunk dad, the troublemaking biker, etc. Jeez, even the abysmal "Children of the Corn" had more believable characters than this.
This one falls into the guaranteed disaster recipie: a Stephen King piece AND a short story. When will producers learn that SK's short stories make the DUMBEST movies?! (Children of the Corn, Cat's Eye, The Night Flyer) Not soon, apparently. I'm already waiting to see what a train wreck "The Mist" will be when they finally adapt that one too...
This one isn't the worst Stephen King Movie ever (Thinner probably takes that dubious honor) but you are warned to stay clear of this rusty old pushmower of a movie.
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