Friday the 13th Part 3
Reviewed by James Cochrane
Rating: 6 Beans
t is night- in fact, it the same night that Jason supposedly died in Part 2. Jason is mad, and no doubt has a bad headache (I believe, that the whole reason Jason is on this Death kick is he has a Headache and he is just slicing up kids who are all loud- so if you are ever on Crystal Lake be 'Vewy, Vewy Qwiet'). The next morining a group of Teens head out to a desolate cabin-slash-farm house on an end of Crystal Lake an then proceed to die in glorious 3D-orama. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Fear the Reaper.
Oh, sweet and beautiful 3D, how do I love thee, let me count the ways 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12; well I'll be that's exactly how many people who get killed in this movie, 3 more than Part 2. It was an unfortunate Face Washing accident when I was merely Five years of age when I lost the Focusing process in my Right Eye that cursed me never to see a 3D movie in all it's glory. *sigh* But I can still pretend. I thought the use of 3D in this flick was, in a word 'neat'; from the basically mundane -baseball bats- to the Unbelievably Superb -the popping of an eyeball. Unfortunately, I don't think it added to the 'scare' factor at all.
True, I was 'scared' a bit in this one- but I disliked almost all of the characters too much that I spent most of it rooting Jason on. Which isn't to say it was bad----- okay Yes it is bad, but in a tongue-in-cheek kinda way. The biggest problem I had with this was the fact the teens didn't see a paper- hear the news or get outright told that a horrible 9 person death happen the night before not half a mile from their little Love Shack. Hmm.
This one still is on my list of favourites in the series- I mean that's alot of Dead people. Directed by Steve Miner (his last in the series) and Produced by the ineffable Frank Mancuso, Jr. (Woo Hoo)The most disturbing thing about this movie, to me, was that, in the unmasking of the big J-man himself he looks exactly like Corky from 'Life Goes On' It gives me chills just thinking about it. The Death list:
1- Middle-aged store owner- Meat Cleaver to chest
2- Store owner's wife- knitting needle to back
3- Biker Chick- Pitch Fork
4- Biker Dude- Pitch Fork
5- Biker Homey- Machete to neck and arm
6- Hispanic Chick- Neat Spear gun 3D Eye Thing
No Nude Hammock Sex Scene
7- Handstand Guy- Machete down his middle
8- Idiot Fat Guy- Throat sliced
9- Dull Hippie- Electrocuted
10- Dull Hippie Chick- Hot Poker in stomach
11- Would be Hero- Head squished- Eye pops out
Tres Tres Cool- Favourite Scene
12- Hammock Sex Chick- Found with throat cut
12 1/2- The Real Death of Biker Homey
Jason is axed in Forehead- Dead?
Next: Friday the 13th- The Final Chapter
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