Reviewed by Scott Murdock
Rating: 10 Beans
ot since the funeral of Princess Diana has a product broadcast from the United Kingdom achieved such a bleak reaction from American audiences.
"Bean", a film about the antics of Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson, popular in Europe from TV's "Mr. Bean" and recognizable in America only for his bit part in "Four Weddings and a Funeral"), the worst employee of a British art museum. He is transfered for a three month stay in Los Angeles to aid in the transfer of "Whistler's Mother" to the United States. In Los Angeles he shacks up with the Langley family (an entirely unbelieveable family) and befriends museum curator David Langley (Peter MacNicol, whose resume contains such distinguished works as "Dracula: Dead and Loving It" and "Addams Family Values") at the expense of Langley's family. But never mind the plot, it just doesn't matter.
This is hands down the single most boring and unfunny waste of time that American theaters have seen in a long, long time. There is simply no excuse for such a bad film. Not only is there not one single funny moment throughout the excruciating 89 minute running time, but every attempt at a comic moment is entirely predictable. (Hmmm, I wonder what will happen to that microwave oven they crammed the turkey into? Oh no, he broke his only coffee cup, what will he do with that instant coffee and sugar and cream and hot water? Hmm... I wonder what he is going to do with that defibrilator?) When I thought the film could go on no longer and checked my watch to see if it was almost over, I discovered I had only been in the theater for 27 minutes. I begged the man in the projector room for mercy. Every time I thought the film would finally end, another pointless sketch was tacked on to further twist the knife this film had plunged deep into my chest.
The United Nations has ordered sanctions against rogue nations for lesser human rights violations than the release of this movie. In fact, I will go so far as to say that the Great Britain sending us this film is an undeniable act of war. I urge all of you to call or write your Congressmen and pressure them for a formal declaration of war against the United Kingdom. This cruel act of torture simply cannot go unpunished.
Other reviews for this movie:
Ken M. Wilson
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